Another Maeve Day - 16th December 2015 - Maeve has put together donations for people in need and is on the look out for opportunities to spontaneously brighten someone's day!

Today is another Maeve Day. I missed marking the last one due to infernal busyness, sickness and associated general discombobulation. I was very sad about that but there wasn't much I could do about it.

This month I’ve been racking my brains trying to think of something I can do with my Maeve cards that won’t break my Christmas-ravaged bank balance. And I’m coming up empty for the first time. I hadn’t realised how much I had been depending on being in a position to buy stuff or donate money until I realised that this month I actually couldn’t. Does anyone have any ideas on how to plan to help people for free? I could just be missing the obvious but I’m coming up empty.

So I filled my wallet with Maeve cards and I’m on the hunt for people I can help on the spot. I also took some time to go through my wardrobe and possessions and put together boxes to donate to various charities and charity shops in Maeve’s name, and I put together a box of books I can take to waiting areas in hospitals as I have been in hospital quite a bit over the last few years and have always been really grateful for donated books I sometimes found there, especially when on a ward that had no Wifi or 3G, which I almost always rely on for amusing myself.

I have some posts I need to write concerning peoples' receiving and giving in Maeve's name - my personal circumstances have made it difficult to keep up with those and so apologies for not being more consistent, I can but try my best and help in my small way to keep her name alive and spoken : Maeve

Maeve Day: Today Maeve Gave Out Tiny Teddy Chocolates in My Office

I haven't been on the blog for a while - I've been quite active on the FB page of the same name as this blog, and really I need to look into how to post to this page from my phone, as it's hard to get PC time to regularly update this place lately, and I do really want to.

I have had people doing acts of kindness and even people getting in touch who have received them. I have their lovely words and pictures and I will post them here, I have just let life get a bit too busy and I need to carve out some admin time to come here and post - after all, that was the point.

So I'm sorry about that.

Apologies to one side, important as they are - something more important presses in - today is the 16th of October. It is another Maeve Day.

I had planned to give out Lindt teddy bear chocolates at work, to leave them on desks with cards. And just as I was doing this I rememberd we have a pregnant lady here. That stopped me in my tracks. Would it be fair to ambush her with a sweet and then hit her with a card about baby loss, albeit with good intentions? Was it ok to do this? I wanted to make people smile, to tell them about Maeve...ideally if they cried it would be in a happy/sad way, not in a 'suddenly fearful for my baby' way :-S

As it happens she was next in the office after me, so I decided to ask her if it would be ok to give out chocolate bears in memory of Mave. She immediately said it would be fine, that it was a lovely idea and that she knew someone who had also lost a baby.

So it all worked out ok.

Today I will be thinking of Maeve and her family - I do that on and off all the time but particularly I shall think of them today xxx

(Posted by Ila Sirrah)

New Cards, More Card Requests & Plenty More Random Acts of Kindness Going On!

Hello again,

Kindnesses Distributed

I've been on holiday but that hasn't slowed things down at all - we gave out free ride tokens at Clacton Pier, gifted money for kids to play (age appropriate) video games at a Soft Play in Lowestoft and gave the elderly lady who lives next door to our holiday cottage all the bacon, eggs and ice cream that got through the week unopened, each time sharing Maeve's story and, hopefully, bringing little rays of sunshine to the recipients' days.

Kindnesses Received

I am also planning to send a gift to the man who helped me and my daughter when we ran out of petrol - my Sat Nav had the garage where he worked on its system as a petrol station but sadly, it no longer sells petrol and the nearest one was beyond the reach of my car's tank; as if it was the most natural thing in the world, he drove off in his own car with a little can, filled it with petrol, poured it into my tank and refused any payment. I don't know his name but I know where he works:

FORBOURN MOTORS LIMITED

MOT and Car Servicing Garage

HIGH STREET THORPE LE SOKEN CO160EA

Now I have more cards, he will be receiving something soon - he really saved us from a tight spot and made sure that my daughter got her longed for day at the beach!

More Cards Ordered & Received - More Cards Requested and Sent Out

I have received four more requests for cards, which was timely, because 200 new cards were waiting for me at home when I got back today - and here they are :-D

 

I was given permission to share one of those requests with you today - I have more I'd love to share but naturally, I must get the permission of the individuals involved first....

"[Jess and] I grew up together when she and her brother used to holiday in apartments where we lived in Mallorca [...] Please could you send me a few cards [...] I feel a bit gutted as I had a great opportunity today, I met a lovely autistic boy, he patted my son on the head so gently, like a grandad would, his dad was wearing an autistic charity t-shirt, such a lovely moment, I wish I could have made it a Maeve moment, [...] it made me realise you have to do it right away, when the moment takes you!"        

Kelly Shadbolt, 23/08/2015

Jess reports that she has given out cards to other businesses local to her, such as her hairdresser's, and so some lucky clients will enjoy a free hair cut courtesy of Maeve.

Thank you to everyone who has got in touch - I am sending out the cards as fast as I am able - please do use them and either comment on this blog, post to our FB page or email to themaeveeffect@yahoo.co.uk and let us know what you did and, if you know, how your kindnesses were received.

Likwise, if you have found this blog because you have received one of Maeve's cards, we'd love to hear from you too via any of the aforementioned channels.

Take care everyone!

Maeve Day, August 2015 - Today Maeve bought 10 pre-pay Ice creams & heard from a little girl called Florence & her mummy!

[Picture taken by me today at Clarence Park, St Albans, Herts]

Today is a Maeve Day - of course for her family every day brings thoughts of Maeve but the 16th of every month is another month of Maeve's absence marked. Today is also Jess's birthday, which must make for a particularly bitter-sweet remembrance.

I had tried to buy pre-pay coffees at my local cafe, but it was mysteriously shut. I thought about lurking by the pay machine in a local car park but we had promised to take the kids to the park and so that's what we did. I made sure I had at least 10 of Maeve's cards in my wallet. I had to meet my family in the park as I had a few chores to do before I could join them. On the way to the park I had been worrying and worrying what I would do about the cards - I didn't want to let the day go by without doing something. I actually said out loud to Maeve 

'Ok kid, if you see an opportunity to do something you give me a nudge, alright?' 

and then got on with the afternoon.

We played at the park, helped and cheered middle child as she valiantly ploughed up and down the park's pathways, trying to peddle her bike, small son kicked balls, been chased and tickled, pushed on the swings and eldest girl had run, jumped, cartwheeled and monkey-barrred to within an inch of (my) sanity. The only solution was, apparently, ice cream. We got chatting to the man selling the ice cream and he joined us watching and yelling supportive comments to our courageous junior cyclist. He seemed like a super nice guy, so I told him about Maeve and asked him if I could pre-pay for 10 ice creams and would he give them out as he saw fit and give the cards away too, please? He was a bit non-plussed at first but quickly became game to the cause. By the time we were leaving he let me know that people were very suspicious of free ice cream at first but once they got over the initial weirdness, were only too happy to accept them! He had given away 9 and seemed confident that he could give away the last one by the end of the day. I thanked him and asked if I could come back again next month. He said he'd be there again next week! So he enjoyed it too!

I felt that it had all gone rather well - much better than I anticipated...but I wondered if anyone would act on the cards. I tried not to dwell on it - getting people involved would be awesome but really, it's the remembrance of Maeve through small kind acts that is important. I had a stern word with myself about keeping to the point and thought no more about it...UNTIL...

I received this email via this blog's email account (shared with the author's kind permission:)

[Florence Clarke, aged 8 months Copyright Felicity Clarke - reprinted her with her permission]

"Dear Maeve,

Today my mummy let me have my first taste of an ice lolly and all because of you. She never normally lets me have sugar but she said this was a very special ice lolly gift from you to me and so it was such a treat ! So lovely and cool and sweet on a warm afternoon and so nice on my sore gums where I am growing new teeth !

We were walking through the park with our friends and stopped at an ice cream van when the kind gentleman serving there passed us your card and ice lollies. My mummy was so touched by your card and the kind gesture that she had to take a few moments to compose herself. She loves me so much you see that she knows just how much your mummy must be hurting and she is so very sorry. She thinks the idea of spreading acts of kindness in your memory is just wonderful and inspirational.
 

She said a prayer for you Maeve and your family and told me she will plan something nice for someone else in your memory next month on the 16th. 

Sleep peacefully. 

Florence Clarke (8 months)St Albans"

It was so lovely to receive  this! I can't hardly wait to deliver some cards to Florence's family, as they are planning to use them on the 16th September! 

If you would like some cards to give out with small kindnesses email now to themaeveeffect@yahoo.co.uk - I am fulfilling 3 requests tomorrow before I go on holiday for a week and would be happy to send out more :-D

Happy Maeve Day guys xxx

Random Act of Kindness - Today Maeve Gave a Stranger Flowers

Maeve's birthday flowers last year.

Yesterday Jess sent me the following to be posted and shared here - I won't say any more because, as usual, Jess's eloquence communicates itself beautifully:

"I used the first of my Maeve cards today! I don't know why it has taken me so long. It took me ages to remember to put them in my wallet and then, although I often thought about them, I couldn't seem to come up with a good enough idea for how to use one. This has been quietly bothering me. ..it really shouldn't be that hard to spread a little kindness, to randomly help a stranger. I have tried to trust the process though and believe that an opportunity would present itself when the time was right.

I have been feeling sad today, struck I think with the nostalgia that came with a special anniversary yesterday....3 whole years since I found out I was carrying Maeve...a magical moment, now tarnished with the 'if onlys' that accompany her loss. And so I thought it might help to feel I was doing something positive in her memory.

I visited my favourite local florist,  one I often use to source special flowers to take to Maeve's memorial at the crematorium. The owner is always so kind and accommodating. It was lovely to tell him about Maeve today and he didn't  hesitate in agreeing to help me to spread a little kindness in her memory. So I gave him a small donation and a card explaining our mission. He plans to create a special bouquet and leave it somewhere in the village for someone to find, with the Maeve card attached. He called it an 'adopt a bouquet' and plans to post on their Facebook page that it's out there for someone to find and enjoy. 

So I am feeling a little brighter, as if Maeve and I have a tiny secret, a wee plan to brighten up someone else's day. I am so grateful to my wonderful friend who created this blog and the kindness at its heart. My wee Maeve might just change the world, one beautiful act at a time. 

Please let me know if you would like to join us in remembering my baby girl and growing the Maeve  Effect."


If you live in or near Stewarton in Scotland, maybe you will be the one to adopt Maeve's bouquet??


Here it is :-D

The florist shop in question, Bloomingwales, writes on their FB Page:

"Some days you meet people who make you take a look at yourself. Yesterday was one of those days. A young lady came into the shop and commissioned us to create a bouquet and, at our discretion, give it to someone we felt would benefit from it. The only request was that we include a small card which reads as follows:

'Hello! Someone has just performed a random, small act of kindness for you in loving memory of Maeve Elizabeth McCormack, born sleeping 16/4/2013. If you can, please return the favour by doing the same for someone else - or simply say her name aloud xxx.
http://themaeveeffect.blogspot.co.uk/'

So in respect of this request we will take the commission and create another adopt a bouquet which will be left somewhere in the town today. The only request we make is that you like and share this post in the hope that it will make us all take a small look inside and make us better people - if only for a little while."

And as good as their word, that's what they did, later posting:

 "If you've managed to drag yourself out of the house on this miserable "summers" day then be on the look out for our lovely adopt a bouquet, which will be placed somewhere around Stewarton after 4 o'clock today. Keep your eyes peeled and let us know if you spot it or even better if you take it home!"

At the time of writing, their post about this bouquet has 52 likes and many lovely comments!

If you would like to join us in remembering Maeve this way (or in any other ways you would like shared here,) if you have ideas about small kindnesses that we could do in her name, and especially if you would like to receive some of Maeve's calling cards, which will cost you nothing, please email themaeveeffect@yahoo.co.uk.

(If you would like to receive cards please do include your full postal address, which will not be shared with any third parties and will be kept very safe and confidential.)

Random Act of Kindess - Last Week, Maeve helped a lady with her shopping

 [This is not the lady in question - this is a picture I took off Google]

Hello again, it's been a while between posts - I'm afraid the school holidays and the mayhem that ensues (the planning alone has had me gasping for breath at the end of the day!) has quite taken me over! However, last week, unplanned as it was, Maeve (through me) helped an elderly lady with her shopping. Well...just the end part - I had put all my enormous shopping onto the conveyor belt and she was struggling with her basket of a couple of items but made as if to to wait behind me. It was a small thing that anyone would do - I know that. It's not such a big deal - I let her go ahead of me. What transformed that small deed for me, and who knows, perhaps for her - was giving her one of Maeve's cards; she exclaimed 'Oh! Maeve! What a lovely name!' and she moved on. One more little kindness in the name of little Maeve. Another person has said her name out loud. Objective achieved!

Making 16th of the Month a Maeve Day

I have been thinking about how difficult it is to spontaneously help people. I mean, sometimes you can do it, but I had been hoping to do this stuff more regularly and to put a bit of planning into it. So I decided to try to do at least one thing (and possibly more than one,) every 16th of the month - Maeve was born on the 16th. I checked this idea out with Jess and she was cool with it. And so we're off! This Sunday is a Maeve Day - 16h August. I'm plotting! And so is Jess! Anyone else want to join in? I have cards to give out, and when we run out of those, I'll get Jess to pick out some designs and wording for some new ones! Just email me your address  - themaeveeffect@yahoo.co.uk - and I'll send them - FREE - just promise to USE them, ok?

xxx

Random Act of Kindess - Paid for a stranger's parking

I paid for a lady's parking in St Albans town centre today.  I had to lurk by the machine for a while - waiting. I felt glad I had my phone as I could pretend to be waiting for someone...well, I was waiting for someone, I just didn't know who! My heart was beating fast, I was so nervous! What if she wouldn't let me pay? What if she thought it was some kind of scam? I stepped up as she rummaged in her purse, and said 'Excuse me, I know this may seem a bit weird, but can I pay for your parking, please?' She looked slightly non-plussed but then brightened, smiled and said "How lovely!", took one of Maeve's cards, wished me a good day and that was that!

I felt absurdly happy all the way home!

This is fun!

If she finds her way to the blog, thank you for letting me pay for your parking. It may seem bizzare to you but it meant a lot to me! I hope you liked hearing about Maeve, and will consider doing a small service for a stranger in her name sometime soon :-D

OK! What should I do next?

Ideas welcome....

Maeve Day - The Escalator - By Jess McCormack (Originally posted on A Bed for my Heart)

Many people don't want to think about what it might be like to live with the loss of a child. That's understandable, I guess, in a way... Perhaps that is why so many people avoid the subject and are keen for those living with this kind of loss to 'get over it' and 'move on'. Perhaps if people could take a minute to imagine what it might be like, or listen to someone who is living with this kind of grief, they would be kinder and more patient with bereaved parents.

This is a post Maeve's mum, Jess, wrote for the site A Bed for My Heart back in April 2015, you can find the original post here.

I won't say too much about it - I think Jess speaks for herself far more eloquently than I ever could.

I hope that when you have read it you will see why I'm so keen to get people saying Maeve's name - I want to help Jess as she struggles to walk up that escalator...

"Sometimes living with grief is described as like being on a roller coaster. But a roller coaster has both ups and downs, highs and lows, excitement, anticipation, that moment when everything stands still and then a terrifying, exhilarating rush. For me grief is more like a treadmill and I am stuck facing the wrong direction. Or an escalator, a crazy long one like on the London Underground, where you bravely step on without being able to see where it ends. My escalator is moving down, and down, and down, but I am trying to go up, climbing and climbing, but getting nowhere.

I can see a glimpse of where I want to go, I can sense the light, the happiness, the freedom. But I climb and climb and never seem to move up. I climb until I am exhausted, my legs beginning to feel numb, my lungs burning, my head too tired to keep looking up at where I want to go. I am still in the same place, in spite of all the work, all the effort to move up. But I can’t stop climbing. Because if I stop, the escalator will quickly send me downwards, back to where I started. I can’t look back, I can’t think about what is behind me because it was too dark, too painful.

 . . .

I don’t know how I got through it. I don’t remember when the sobbing stopped, the involuntary, desperate crying that came from the depths of my soul and felt like it would never end. I was so afraid, because the world I thought I knew was suddenly ripped away from me and replaced by a world in which anything could happen, the worst thing imaginable, even though I played by the rules. I dare not even glance down to briefly remember how that felt, because it might make me lose my balance and fall backwards into the darkness. But to keep looking up is taking all that I have. I wish I could stop, stand still and just hold my girls, one in my arms and the other forever in my memory. But grief doesn’t stop, it keeps trying to move me down and down and down.

 . . .

Sometimes I feel so alone, like I am the only person on the escalator.  And then suddenly someone is beside me, holding out their hand, climbing with me, keeping pace, saying “Maeve, Maeve, Maeve”, reminding me why I need to keep going, helping me to believe I will one day reach fresh air, bright, clean light. Sometimes I am surrounded by so many people, the warmest of hugs, holding me so tight that I can stop climbing for a while, while others do the work for me.

 . . .

I know I have come far from those dark days in the raw depths of early grief. It has been a hard, hard climb, with many stumbles, shins crashing onto metal, bruised and scarred. But I got up again and again and I am still climbing.

. . .

I stop to take a breath, I close my eyes, and in my mind, I am holding my baby girl. I remember how it felt to kiss her soft cheeks, how she fit perfectly in my arms, where she was meant to be forever, not just for a day. I want to stay in that moment, but I’ve stopped for too long, I am starting to go down. I need to climb again, but it’s so hard. I could just stop, let the escalator carry me down into the darkness, to a place where there’s nothing, where it won’t hurt any more. Or I could put one foot in front of the other, just one step, just one will lift me up, away from the dark. One step and then another, not further from Maeve, but towards a future with her in it, not in the way she should have been, but in beauty, in memory, in love. And so I climb, for Maeve, because of Maeve, because I owe it to my baby girl not to give up."

 

Maeve's cards are here!

Ok! The cards are here! I'm ridiculously excited! They're so pretty! My iphone camera doesn't do them justice! But look out, world. Good deeds coming your way, with tiny, Maeve-labeled calling cards.

If you get one of these, and make it to this blog, please do comment and let me know if Maeve's little gift made your day better, if it inspired you to 'pay it forward' and do something unexpected and kind for a stranger. Or if you just said Maeve's name out loud.

If it made you laugh, made you cry, I'd love to know, and I can tell Maeve's mummy, and for a split second at least, lighten her load a teensy bit.

Good night!

The Maeve Effect - A Beginning

 

A  person I used to know at  school - she wasn't a friend exactly but we both liked watching Quantum Leap and slacking off during German classes - connected with me on Facebook a few years ago. Nothing unusual there. Like many of the rest of us former-school girls, she married and got pregnant, puffed up and had a baby. Unlike many of the rest of us, the baby - Maeve Elizabeth McCormack, died during labour on 16th April 2013, and my friend's journey through unfathomable grief began. Some people could not bear to be in the presence of her sadness and withdrew. Fortunately her family and true friends rallied around. Via Facebook I read about my friend's brave battle with grief - sometimes it  takes her down but, like a cork, somehow she always manages to bob back up to the surface. From afar I read her struggle to find meaning in her life after Maeve's death. She has written eloquently and honestly about her experiences and very often moved me to tears. We have exchanged many messages. I have come to know her a little better than I did at school and come to respect and like her even more than before. She has often mentioned how much it helps her to know that people say Maeve's name out loud, and she loved the idea of doing random, kind things for others in her name, especially on Maeve's birthday.

And that's what gave me the idea for this blog and the its random acts of kindness. What if I could pre-pay for a few coffees at my local cafe and ask the proprieter to give those coffees to people who seemed to be having a hard day? And what if, rather than hold up a line of irritable, yet-to-be-caffeinated people, the barista gave them a little card that explained that the point of this random act of kindness was to remember a baby girl born sleeping? What if I could somehow manage to inspire lots of strangers to say Maeve's name out loud? It won't bring her back. But it's a way of fighting back from hope's corner. I can't bring her back to her family but perhaps I can bring her into the present for a few seconds, over and over again, by means of teeny, tiny good deeds thrown lightly and hopefully into an otherwise cynical, modern milieu.

So in that spirit, I hope;  I hope that doing this isn't totally crazy; I hope that it will lift up my friend and her wonderful husband as they live on with their little girls, one living and one in heaven; I hope that it will bring momentary rays of sunshine into strangers' lives; I hope that people will say Maeve's name and know that she existed; I hope that they might come here, to this blog and let me know if they enjoyed their random free coffee, or having their parking paid for or whatever I get up to with my funny little cards. And I hope that perhaps they will pay it forward - that they will help someone else in a similar fashion, and do so in Maeve's name. And I hope that maybe I will get to hear about that too. And yes, perhaps nothing will come of it. But I will continue to do it anyway. Unless my friend asks me not to. In which case I will immediately stop.But I asked her, and she seemed to like the idea, so for now, it's a go. My cards are being designed and will soon be out there.



So for now I must get on with those and look forward to finding out what the Maeve Effect will be #themaeveeffect